“What we think determines what happens to us, so if we want to change our lives, we need to stretch our minds.”

Ummm....yeah, I think I've had an epiphany.

So, I'm going to get straight to the point here. I was having a rather deep conversation with someone whom I barely know, and I don't think he even knows it, but he said something that might quite possibly lead to the inception of a new and better "Stacy." I hope that what I am about to explain makes sense, and while I'm not really in the mood to write, putting my thoughts into words will help me better understand the path that God has placed me on, and it will help me form a plan of action that will allow me to walk closer to God while allowing me to retain some control over my life a little better. And it will alleviate a lot of the turmoil I've been experiencing which is perhaps the most beneficial part. We don't like turmoil.

So this idea seems very simple at face value, but when you really think about it, the strides that a person must make in order to live in accordance with this idea does not come so easily. It has to do with change. People don't like change, or they expect change in the wrong form. If people are content with what they have and with the direction that their life is taking, then they prefer that things just stay as they are so as not to throw off their equilibrium. On the other hand, if people find themselves unhappy, then the only thing that they wish to change is their circumstances. Neither scenario, however, calls for the empowerment by the individual to grow. That said, it becomes true that the best sort of change must be internal because it will outweigh the challenges that are put on our plate so that we might be stronger tomorrow, thus providing for the betterment of ourselves.

Whoa.

So how does this apply to me? I've been through a lot in my life. I've always been ok, and I have always been grateful for the strength I've obtained throughout my struggles, but I don't think that any of the changing and growing I did as I met and defeated different challenges was due to a conscious decision to better myself, but rather, it came as a homeostatic response to help me endure the emotional turbulance I was faced with. And I was always able to find happiness in the worst situations, but that was due to my personality's tendency to focus on the brighter side of things. That's all well and good, but as with anything, our senses become more dull as we age which makes it harder to obtain homeostasis subconsciously, especially when life continues to pound on us as hard as it does. I'm not going to lie, it's been a while since I've been able to exude the same optimism that I had prior to coming to college. I thought it was because the quality of my life was dwindling (when, in fact, it wasn't....I just wasn't getting my way all the time, and I don't like that.) Seeing how things really are, I now realize that I must merely make more of a conscious effort to be happy. And I know that this isn't going to be easy. I'm a brat, and sometimes, I just want to pout. I don't want to be happy all the time. And sometimes, I just want to cry. But why?

I've decided that in order to optimize the happiness I hope to achieve, I have to let go of a lot of things in my past. Too often, I let the trials of my past resonate in my heart to give me some sort of justification as to why I don't have to be happy (wow, I'm such a brat!) This only hinders my development as a person. Ultimately, my goal is to change my circumstances by first changing my attitude. This means letting go of the horrible divorce that I was placed in the middle of almost 18 years ago.....being raised by my hard-hearted mother who never quite accepted me....the loneliness that came with being misunderstood....never having family around to show me the love and compassion I always yearned for....losing Randy....losing Daddy....my singleness....and all the insecurities that came with the pains of the past. Sure, I need to learn to guard my heart a little better, but I really feel like if I make a more valiant effort to be happy, even in the absolute worst situations, then my circumstances will change and I will be granted the desires of my heart. What a revelation!

This insight came with a few tears. I spent the better half of this afternoon sobbing into my pillow, but it felt good to let it all go. I just have to be sure to fight off whatever bitterness may be left, and while I am scared of having a few lapses, I think that if I stay on this road, I'm going to move towards better days because I'll be closer to God. That's what makes this new endeavor so exciting! Ah, sweet surrender.....

Thanks for listening you guys! I love y'all....

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."
~Psalms 37: 4, 7

No place that far...

I don't think I'm going to quit obsessing about relationships until God gives me somebody that will love me as unconditionally as He does. Until then, I guess I'm going to have to keep praying for Him to help me through the constant turbulance that plagues my heart, but I do know that only He knows what's best which is why I'm relying on Him to give me the discernment and direction I need so that I might follow in the plan that He has marked out for me. Surrendering myself to Him without letting my emotions rage has been pretty tough, but being angry with God isn't going to get me far. So, I'm choosing to stay positive in hopes that the outcome of my current situation will reflect the positive attitude I'm trying to uphold. This, unfortunately, is going to take time.

I'm sure some of you are silently rejoicing in the evident stalemate that has resulted from my most recent courtship. It somewhat saddens me that I lacked support from so many people, and I'll never understand the selfishness as I think it's kind of obvious how important of an endeavor this is to me. Pastor Carlos preached in church a couple of Sundays ago about how God uses our wants and desires to show us what we already have so that we can see how truly blessed we are. With the desires of my heart fully exposed, some of my most amazing friends stepped up and really cheered me on and prayed for me. For this, I am incredibly grateful, and your actions truly speak volumes. So thanks a lot you guys....you know who you are.

I've decided that in spite of the uncertainty on the other end of this potential relationship, I'm going to continue to fight. Why? Because I want it that bad. Love is blind, thus making it possible to want something so much that you completely lose track of all the rational thought processes that govern the decisions you make. I don't think this is me. I'm not completely oblivious to the dwindling phone calls or the lack of communication in general. I've caught on to the change of interest and doubt. And I understand where the fear is coming from and how inconvenient the distance is. However, this has been the first thing in a long time that has made my life make sense. I'm not saying that I'm going to be psycho about it, but I can't just let go of something that still has potential. Most relationships are opposed, and I think that the ones worth fighting for are worth all the time in the world. So if I have to wait, I can do it. I have to follow my heart on this one, and I truly feel like that’s what God wants me to do because by being patient, I'm proving how much I really trust God. So in spite of every pessimistic thought that I’ve had today and with as many tears that I cried last night, I refuse to give in to my frustrations and lack of patience. I just hope that God will help me to use the spark that’s still there to ignite a fire in his heart that will make the distance seem petty and the time worth the wait.

In the meantime, I’m just going to keep chillin’. After all, that’s about all that I really can do.

Keep praying for me you guys! I love y’all!

“Love doesn't hide. It stays and fights. It goes the distance, that's why love is so strong. So it can carry you all the way home.”

Enough

Yep, in another one of those somber moods that has my mind wandering in places it should never go. Dammit!

I'm not really sure what my issue is tonight besides an influx of hormones that has my emotions flying all over the place. I think my feelings have fluctuated congruently with my basal body temperature, thus making it essential to note that by tomorrow morning, life will probably be sunshine and rainbows again. So please heed my warning as I go on this pessimistic rampage.

I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately. Not the personal relationship I'm in the process of building, but relationships in general. I've taken a retrospective journey back to my previous relationships and have juxtaposed them with the much more mature relationships my roommates and friends have with their boyfriends/girlfriends, and I've come to the conclusion that in spite of my experiences, I don't know shit about relationships! My autonomy has thrown me so far out of the loop that I don't really understand the process anymore. The only part of the process I've experienced has been the beginning....the getting to know you, what's your favorite color, what kind of music do you listen to, how many brothers and sisters do you have, where are you from, what sports did you play in high school, etc. Then once you've played 20 questions, everything crashes and burns. The end. That's all I know.

I hate the process. Especially right now, because right now, I'm anticipating the heartbreak, and since it hasn't come, my equilibrium is all thrown off because I don't know what comes next. I'm subconsciously indulging in sad songs, experiencing a sour mood, and feel absolutely helpless. And of course, I'm getting no sympathy because nothing has happened that would justify my current state of mind. So now what?

I think the main problem that I'm having is that while I would love to spend hours on the phone with him and drive to see him every weekend, I don't want to be "that" girl. You know what I'm talking about. Think Wedding Crashers: Gloria telling Jeremy that she loves him on the first day she meets him, planning their future together, popping up every moment that he gets a chance to breathe, binding him up and absolutely declaring that he's hers and that they should spend every waking moment together. That's annoying. He was annoyed. We were annoyed. She sucks.

Opposite of that, of course, is retreating. But then, if you retreat, there's no guarantee that he's going to chase you. And what happens if he needs the same green light that you do. Words of affirmation are very powerful, and sometimes all we need is the signal to go ahead and step forward. So we can choose to retreat which could ultimately make him retreat and then you never get anywhere. But then there's that chance that he'll come after you. I'm too skeptical to risk giving up even though it works in accordance to the push-pull theory that my sister explained to me when I was like 8. But I don't want the games. I just want answers.

What happens next? How long does it take? How will I know?

I just want to be enough. I want to be in his life enough to be able to establish a relationship and really get to know him without impeding on his daily routine. I don't want him to feel like he has to call me every 5 seconds, but I don't want him to not call at all. I want him to tell me sweet nothings every once in a while without wearing them out. I don't want to be demanding, but I don't want to be a door mat. I want to be enough.

It's all so complicated. Probably moreso because I make it that way. Dean says that I have to wait on it to just happen. If only I had patience....

I reread Staisha's blog and find it interesting how serene she is in her singleness. I tried to achieve the same appreciation throughout the years but was never able to do so because I've wanted nothing more than to care for someone the way that so many of my friends do in their relationships. I felt a vicarious sigh of relief while reading her blog but then realized that I'm heading in the opposite direction that she is and for a split second, I wondered if maybe I should just turn around. This, however, would make me a hypocrite as I often scold people who tend to go back to what's comfortable. I don't want to do that, but I'm not liking the endless questions that scroll through my head as I attempt to brave this endeavor. I just pray for strength, answers, and for clear direction and discernment. And I pray that my hormones will calm down so that I don't drive myself crazy.

I'm retarded.

And even though I'm so confused right now, I guess it becomes important to remember the reward is definitely worth it in the end. I just wish I knew whether or not I'll get there.

So yeah, I'm putting up a blockade on my thoughts. No more. I need to take my tired/halfway hungover ass to bed anyway.

Thanks for stopping by. Love you guys! And Staisha, I'm so proud of you. I hope you never lose the glow that you've had the past couple of weeks. You're amazing!

"If there were no rewards to reap, no loving embrace to see me through thistedious path I've chosen here, I certainly would've walked away by now...."

Road Trip

So for those of you that don't know, I went on a little road trip by myself (because I can....I've graduated which means no classes for me! Sorry I have to rub that in while I can. You can all get me back when I'm in grad school working my ass off.) I left Friday night from Athens and spent the night in Perry with Staisha. We hung out with Daniel to say farewell before he heads over to Qatar with the Air Force. It was bittersweet, but I know that he'll be ok. He's in one of the safe zones which has shopping malls, pools, and gyms. Yes, the Air Force is definitely the civilian man's military....



Then after a divine breakfast at Cracker Barrel with Staisha, I headed down to Tallahassee to see Billy. And, no, I'm still not disclosing any information about how that's going. I think I'm superstitious or something, but I'll just say that we had a good time and leave it at that. Staisha helped me realize that by choosing not to talk about "it" (whatever "it" is....sounds like the eBay commercial, huh? haha) I'm actually preventing myself from fabricating some sort of fairytale of what could be which has the potential of being very damaging if things don't work out. I honestly don't see a let down in the near future, but what do I know? Either way, I'm choosing to stay in reality. It's my safe zone.

Then Monday, I drove down to Melbourne, Florida to hang out with my sister-in-law who was there for a conference. We went to the beach, drank Coronas with some Air Force boys, and had a good ole time. I succeeded in giving Mischa my southern accent, scaring the shit out of her with my mad driving skills, and giving her an ab workout by making her laugh her ass off at me (I'm an idiot, what's new?) Ah, good times....



So while spending my time on the beach, namely on Tuesday when I went to Cocoa Beach by myself while Mischa was sitting through meetings for work, I really noticed how many couples were on the beach. While the beach has always been a romantic place in my book, I never really thought about what makes it so romantic. I mean, sea gulls screeching in your ear and threatening to shit all over you as you struggle to get the sand out from between your toes isn't really my idea of romantic, but there's just something about looking out at the endless horizon that just takes your breath away. It's like people go there with the most special person in the world to them, and they don't feel small. They have a love that is as vast and endless as the rolling waves and they are able to find serenity in looking at their match. It's almost a way of translating love into a quantity, and being able to see how big their love is allows them to rest in the moment and relax in each other's arms. It's quite incredible. And there's nothing that can take that moment away. Not even the sea gulls.



I hope that I'm able to experience that with someone special some day. I'm sure we all do.

Well, that's my sappy reflection on that. Just thought I would give you guys a heads up on the goings ons. Hope you guys enjoyed your long weekend! I love y'all!

"Individually, we are one drop. Together, we are an ocean."

Choose me...

When I was in high school, somber moments like the one I'm experiencing at present drove me to writing poetry. Poetry, however, only makes sense to the author and it's left for the reader to annotate in hopes of finding some sort of inspiration that influenced the author to conjure up an often confusing arrangement of words. I don't resort to poetry anymore because I long to be understood, and I've found the one person that doesn't understand me the most is myself. And so I write...

Lately, I've been revisiting questions that I wrote off as unanswerable due to their complex nature and my skepticism in actually finding the truth behind them. Fortunately, I've found that things are a lot more simplistic than they seem because I have a God who will take on my burdens so that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel that is thankfully not just another oncoming train. I really feel like I've found pieces of myself I never thought I would be able to understand. While I come from a mold that is very unique and intricate, some of the complexities of my nature can be attributable to common phenomenons experienced by many people. My own brother shared many of the same fears that I did when he was around my age, and being able to look up to him and see that he has all of his shit together shines an extra ray of light onto my future. There's hope that there will come a day when everything will make sense, and I feel like it's coming together right now. I have the mercy of God to thank for that.

I finished "Captivating." That's another one of those books that should be read by every female who has ever experienced extensive turmoil due to the trials of life. (Oh wait, I guess that would be every single one of them, huh? haha). There were some parts of the book that I didn't really relate to simply because I'm not mature enough to have had some of the experiences being described, but there were a couple passages that were so liberating because they described me to a tee, and I was able to feel a sense of relief because somewhere in Colorado, the couple that wrote this book understands me. There have been many times that I simply don't understand the turmoil that invades my heart, but John and Stasi Eldredge have been able to put my emotions into words that make sense! I don't feel so alienated and I feel like I truly understand myself better. I'm realizing that barriers don't really keep others out as much as they keep you fenced in. As a result, I really feel like I've broken down some of the walls around my heart so that I might truly be able to reveal myself to someone who might find me irresistable and irreplaceable. And even though I haven't been given the opportunity do so just yet, the feeling of self-efficacy is amazing...

"Another common enemy that often is at work in women's relationship is a spirit of accusation. We often feel that we are a disappointment to others, that they disappove of us. We feel in their presence that we are not enough, or that we are too much. After we leave a time with them, we're plagued by a deep sense of failing. We feel frustrated and irritated and ashamed that we feel that way. Our hearts often land in shame and isolation, or we go to resentment. Do you recognize this in your own life? That replaying of conversations you've had with people with that sense of having blown it? Have you noticed how the feelings grow as you continue to mull it over?" ~Captivating

YES! Holy cow, reread my blog and you can all attest to the fact that I am a culprit of having thoughts like these! I'm pessimistic when it comes to relationships. It never works out and I have negative expectations that my status will ever change. It's not because I don't believe in myself, it's just my way of preparing for the worst. I'm bracing myself. That's bad. Very bad. So why the hell do I do this?

The authors go on to suggest that most of the relationships a female encounters are opposed. That means that we have to step up and fight for them! We have to put on the armor of God and battle against the idea that God won't make things better or make things just the way that we want them! He has a vested interest in us, and unless we fully submit to Him, we can never ever step out and take the risk of loving someone wholly and unconditionally in the same way that we yearn to be loved back.

"The reason we fear to step out is because we know that it might not go well. We have a history of wounds screaming at us to play it safe. We feel so deeply that if it doesn't go well, if we are not received well, their reaction becomes the verdict on our lives, on our very being, on our hearts. We fear that our deepest doubts about ourselves as women will be confirmed. Again. That we will hear yet again the message of our wounds. That is why we can only risk stepping out when we are resting in the love of God."

God loves me. That's all I really need. But I still long for someone who can show me the love of God in a different way. I long for an embrace. A kiss. Someone to brush my hair to the side, look deep in my eyes, and tell me that they need me. That they love me. That they can't live without me. That I'm captivating. I want someone to share my thoughts with. Someone who wants to indulge in my complex nature and make it simple. Someone to help me make sense. Someone to help me see clear. Crystal clear.

I'm tired of blogging. I'm ready to talk. I want a person to fulfill these somber moments ~ these moments where I cry out to the mercy of God for comfort. I want to experience the love of God with an amazing person. Not with a blog. Not with a poem. With him. And I know who I want it to be...

Choose me. Cause I'm ready to choose you.

Until next time...

"So pick me. Choose me. Love me." ~Meredith to Derek, Grey's Anatomy

Captivate me...

So, I'm sure most of you are waiting for me to talk about the new boy and how things went this past weekend. Well, quit being so nosy! Jk...in all honesty, I'm not sure yet, so I don't wanna think too systematically about it cause I don't wanna press my luck. There's a tornado of thoughts in my head, so I've been trying to distract myself. I'm too pessimistic to indulge in the memories from this weekend because even though I think things went ok and I enjoyed spending time with him, my deep thinking would still be capable of finding something negative to dwell on which might cause me to totally withdraw from the situation in an act to protect myself. I'm pretty messed up, so I'm trying to keep it simple. I read Staisha's blog and was inspired about the new endeavor she's taking to better herself. It reminded me that in spite of how trying the past has been, the decisions that you make today have the potential to totally change your life. I wish restructuring my cognitions was that easy, but we all know that takes time. I was talking to Emily yesterday, and she's always telling me that I'm ridiculous and that I worry too much about relationships working out and what not. She even pointed out that I'm backwards because when other people find someone that they really like, they are all giddy and bear shit-eatin' grins. Me? Exactly opposite. I don't like the process and anticipate the letdown. Knowing that I have feelings for the other person makes the letdown more painful, so I stay on edge. I just wish I could know instantly whether or not I was scratching at an old wound on my heart and wasting my time. That's messed up, I know. But, hey, I'm trying to change that. I can't totally transform my thoughts into positive ones overnight, so I'm choosing to think about other things. I've had a few lapses, but I've been doing a lot of praying, believing in him, believing in myself, and hoping things will work out for once. I know I make things complicated, and I'm really trying to keep this as simple as he is. Please pray for me you guys! I need all the help I can get!

So how do you distract someone whose thoughts are racing at 32665416354354641 miles per hour? It's pretty hard, actually. Sleep is never an option. In fact, I didn't fall asleep until like 4 this morning. I haven't really had an appetite, so I can't really eat either. Emily is the only one of my roommates that has been home, but she spends half of her time at Steven's and at work, so that hasn't been much help. I've gone back to researching about everything college football and watching bowl games, but tonight was the last one (Hook 'em Horns!) Luckily for me, there's Barnes and Noble! Not only is it a great distraction, but there is a lot of insight and learning that I'm doing, particularly about myself. I'm currently reading Captivating, The Five Love Languages, and The Da Vinci Code (yes, all at the same time.) That's ridiculous, huh? I haven't been bored yet! It's pretty interesting because God has put in my path two parallel notions about love and relationships that has introduced me to answers I never really thought to seek out, and I'm hoping that I'm learning more about my past mistakes so as to improve situations in my future. I know that this post has already been really long (in fact, Jojo has probably already stopped reading) but since I still have a lot of adrenaline going after watching Texas' AMAZING win over USC (sorry William), then I think I'll keep going. Aren't you excited?? That's right you are!

(Some of you might want to take a little intermission right here and come back later....but I'm really excited about my newfound revelations so I have to keep going!)

Ok, so the first idea comes from Captivating which explains that there are 3 different types of women in the world. There are the emasculating women, the desolate women, and the arousing women. All of them are looking for answers to a central Question: am I lovely? am I beautiful? am I captivating? The emasculating woman tries to depreciate the traditional role of the man in an attempt to run from her Question that has not been answered, and therefore, by taking away the man's strength by downplaying his masculinity, he cannot hurt her anymore. The desolate woman is the woman that wants so desperately to be loved so she seeks to get her Question answered via temporary satisfaction in hopes that giving her all will result in the reciprocity of love that unfortunately does not exist in such a situation. The arousing woman is the woman who lets her beauty shine through, who captivates a man's heart, initiating the presentation of his peak strength in a way that her Question gets answered because she feels beautiful. That said, which woman are you?

The book goes on to explain that woman can't depend on men to answer their Question, but rather, when they give their hearts to God, He can lead them to the third situation in which the strength of the man and the beauty of a woman ultimately bring out the best in each other, and they are able to develop a healthy balance where their love can thrive with God being the central component of the relationship. Basically, this is what every woman hopes to achieve, and as with anything, bettering yourself takes time and the book gives a lot of insight about how to chisel away the hurtful walls we've built in the past in order to reveal a heart that's captivating in the future. Cool concept, huh?

So upon reading this, I sat back and thought about which woman I was and decided that, sadly, I am the desolate woman because I try way too hard to obtain the love that I have dreamed about and yearned for in the past 3 and a half years. My classification is reflected by my impulsive decisions that I refuse to elaborate on so as to preserve some of my pride (don't let your minds wander too far though....I've always had high standards.) I have sought for years, given away pieces of myself that I hope to get back, and have still ended up empty handed. Yet the lessons are (still) being learned slowly. Why is this?

That's where the second passage comes in. The Five Love Languages should probably be read by just about everybody. My sister-in-law immediately suggested it upon hearing some of my frustrations (thanks Mish!) Basically, we all have different ways that are most effective in making us feel loved, and being able to capitalize on your partner's primary love language ultimately maximizes the love that you are able to express to them. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, servitude, gifts, and physical touch. The book has a short inventory in the back that helps you classify your primary love language, and in my case, my primary love language is physical touch with words of affirmation coming in a close second. Just as with any language, the love languages have different "dialects" which are basically different modalities of expression within a certain category. For example for physical touch, some of the different dialects are hugging, kissing, holding hands, massages, putting your hand on his/her leg, etc. (of course it goes on to "other" stuff too.) In my experiences, I know that I feel most love when someone gives me a hug, kisses me on the cheek, holds me, cuddles with me, or just touches me in some way (I'm easy.....even if you just put your head in my lap while watching a movie I'm in heaven!) I also tend to notice when the touch gets neglected. Like if a guy walks in the room and walks by where I'm sitting, I get a teensy bit disappointed if they don't at least thump me on the head or something, haha! The most innocent touching makes a world of difference, and neglecting it makes me question whether or not people like/love me. This gets pretty deep, but I'll leave it at face value.

At any rate, the fact that my primary love language is physical touch explains why I've made decisions that have ultimately placed me in the "desolate woman" category. In trying to answer my Question, I've tried to fulfill the needs that lay in my primary love language, and I think that this has been very detrimental for me. I always thought that my personality was the reason for my poor decisions. I'm the girl who randomly goes to the mall and runs up my credit card bill because of a whim of desire to do so, or I'll wake up in the morning to tangly hair and decide to go chop it all off. I live for the moment! But that doesn't explain the decisions I have made with relationship prospects over the past couple of years that have only hurt my heart even more and caused me to build walls. There's nothing "captivating" about my past, so I'm going to push forward and like I mentioned earlier, make the decisions that will ultimately change who I am, CHANGE HOW I THINK, and allow me to better myself so that I might become the arousing woman that some man just cannot live without. That's exciting! And fortunately, I think I still have time to remedy some of my problems to better myself for the current boy that's been lingering about. At least I hope so!

Ok, so maybe if the reading stays this intense, I'll start going to Blockbuster instead, haha! Please don't forget to pray for me! Thanks for reading my babble, and feel free to comment. And Staisha, thanks for 1) inspiring me and 2) making me feel better in the midst of my psychosis today. You're da bomb!

Until next time....

"You will find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)
That is a good way for a woman to live as well. Not defiant, not hiding, but alluring and watching to see if he wants to come closer.
~Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge

Pics!

So, I've turned off my overanalytical noggin for a while in an effort to maintain sanity throughout the past couple of weeks. A lot has been going on, and I guess more than anything I've just been too overwhelmed to even want to think about things, so I've just been sitting back and letting life happen while trying to maintain a decent level of composure. Maybe I'll dig in later. We'll see.

There have, however, been some good moments in the midst of all the drama. And I promised pictures so here you have it! Hope everyone enjoyed ringing in the New Year and I hope that 2006 is a helluva lot better than 2005! I think I got off to a good start.... ;) Enjoy!




New York take 2! Here I am in front of the Hershey's store, home of the 5 lb. Hershey bar! That's my kind of chocolate!


Here I am in Times Square, waiting to get tickets to Broadway shows! We saw Sweet Charity starring Christina Applegate and Chicago starring Huey Lewis. Both were pretty good although I liked Sweet Charity a lot more. Who knew that Christina Applegate was so talented?


Rockefeller Center! The Christmas tree is huge although you can't really tell because it's really far behind me.


Here I am with William! Even though we didn't have the best time ever, I still love him and am very proud!


It was good to see old friends too! :)


Back in Athens, I was the DD for the P-town crew on New Year's Eve Eve. Jojo was pretty retarded, haha! :)


Hey Jeb, pass this pic on to Abby for me please!


Me and Emmy on New Year's Eve! Happy New Year!


The P-town crew again (and Jarrod). Jonathan was pretty damn proud of his stupid cork.


I told you he was retarded!


Awww, Billy... :)

Talk to you kids later! Love y'all!