Captivate me...
So, I'm sure most of you are waiting for me to talk about the new boy and how things went this past weekend. Well, quit being so nosy! Jk...in all honesty, I'm not sure yet, so I don't wanna think too systematically about it cause I don't wanna press my luck. There's a tornado of thoughts in my head, so I've been trying to distract myself. I'm too pessimistic to indulge in the memories from this weekend because even though I think things went ok and I enjoyed spending time with him, my deep thinking would still be capable of finding something negative to dwell on which might cause me to totally withdraw from the situation in an act to protect myself. I'm pretty messed up, so I'm trying to keep it simple. I read Staisha's blog and was inspired about the new endeavor she's taking to better herself. It reminded me that in spite of how trying the past has been, the decisions that you make today have the potential to totally change your life. I wish restructuring my cognitions was that easy, but we all know that takes time. I was talking to Emily yesterday, and she's always telling me that I'm ridiculous and that I worry too much about relationships working out and what not. She even pointed out that I'm backwards because when other people find someone that they really like, they are all giddy and bear shit-eatin' grins. Me? Exactly opposite. I don't like the process and anticipate the letdown. Knowing that I have feelings for the other person makes the letdown more painful, so I stay on edge. I just wish I could know instantly whether or not I was scratching at an old wound on my heart and wasting my time. That's messed up, I know. But, hey, I'm trying to change that. I can't totally transform my thoughts into positive ones overnight, so I'm choosing to think about other things. I've had a few lapses, but I've been doing a lot of praying, believing in him, believing in myself, and hoping things will work out for once. I know I make things complicated, and I'm really trying to keep this as simple as he is. Please pray for me you guys! I need all the help I can get!
So how do you distract someone whose thoughts are racing at 32665416354354641 miles per hour? It's pretty hard, actually. Sleep is never an option. In fact, I didn't fall asleep until like 4 this morning. I haven't really had an appetite, so I can't really eat either. Emily is the only one of my roommates that has been home, but she spends half of her time at Steven's and at work, so that hasn't been much help. I've gone back to researching about everything college football and watching bowl games, but tonight was the last one (Hook 'em Horns!) Luckily for me, there's Barnes and Noble! Not only is it a great distraction, but there is a lot of insight and learning that I'm doing, particularly about myself. I'm currently reading Captivating, The Five Love Languages, and The Da Vinci Code (yes, all at the same time.) That's ridiculous, huh? I haven't been bored yet! It's pretty interesting because God has put in my path two parallel notions about love and relationships that has introduced me to answers I never really thought to seek out, and I'm hoping that I'm learning more about my past mistakes so as to improve situations in my future. I know that this post has already been really long (in fact, Jojo has probably already stopped reading) but since I still have a lot of adrenaline going after watching Texas' AMAZING win over USC (sorry William), then I think I'll keep going. Aren't you excited?? That's right you are!
(Some of you might want to take a little intermission right here and come back later....but I'm really excited about my newfound revelations so I have to keep going!)
Ok, so the first idea comes from Captivating which explains that there are 3 different types of women in the world. There are the emasculating women, the desolate women, and the arousing women. All of them are looking for answers to a central Question: am I lovely? am I beautiful? am I captivating? The emasculating woman tries to depreciate the traditional role of the man in an attempt to run from her Question that has not been answered, and therefore, by taking away the man's strength by downplaying his masculinity, he cannot hurt her anymore. The desolate woman is the woman that wants so desperately to be loved so she seeks to get her Question answered via temporary satisfaction in hopes that giving her all will result in the reciprocity of love that unfortunately does not exist in such a situation. The arousing woman is the woman who lets her beauty shine through, who captivates a man's heart, initiating the presentation of his peak strength in a way that her Question gets answered because she feels beautiful. That said, which woman are you?
The book goes on to explain that woman can't depend on men to answer their Question, but rather, when they give their hearts to God, He can lead them to the third situation in which the strength of the man and the beauty of a woman ultimately bring out the best in each other, and they are able to develop a healthy balance where their love can thrive with God being the central component of the relationship. Basically, this is what every woman hopes to achieve, and as with anything, bettering yourself takes time and the book gives a lot of insight about how to chisel away the hurtful walls we've built in the past in order to reveal a heart that's captivating in the future. Cool concept, huh?
So upon reading this, I sat back and thought about which woman I was and decided that, sadly, I am the desolate woman because I try way too hard to obtain the love that I have dreamed about and yearned for in the past 3 and a half years. My classification is reflected by my impulsive decisions that I refuse to elaborate on so as to preserve some of my pride (don't let your minds wander too far though....I've always had high standards.) I have sought for years, given away pieces of myself that I hope to get back, and have still ended up empty handed. Yet the lessons are (still) being learned slowly. Why is this?
That's where the second passage comes in. The Five Love Languages should probably be read by just about everybody. My sister-in-law immediately suggested it upon hearing some of my frustrations (thanks Mish!) Basically, we all have different ways that are most effective in making us feel loved, and being able to capitalize on your partner's primary love language ultimately maximizes the love that you are able to express to them. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, servitude, gifts, and physical touch. The book has a short inventory in the back that helps you classify your primary love language, and in my case, my primary love language is physical touch with words of affirmation coming in a close second. Just as with any language, the love languages have different "dialects" which are basically different modalities of expression within a certain category. For example for physical touch, some of the different dialects are hugging, kissing, holding hands, massages, putting your hand on his/her leg, etc. (of course it goes on to "other" stuff too.) In my experiences, I know that I feel most love when someone gives me a hug, kisses me on the cheek, holds me, cuddles with me, or just touches me in some way (I'm easy.....even if you just put your head in my lap while watching a movie I'm in heaven!) I also tend to notice when the touch gets neglected. Like if a guy walks in the room and walks by where I'm sitting, I get a teensy bit disappointed if they don't at least thump me on the head or something, haha! The most innocent touching makes a world of difference, and neglecting it makes me question whether or not people like/love me. This gets pretty deep, but I'll leave it at face value.
At any rate, the fact that my primary love language is physical touch explains why I've made decisions that have ultimately placed me in the "desolate woman" category. In trying to answer my Question, I've tried to fulfill the needs that lay in my primary love language, and I think that this has been very detrimental for me. I always thought that my personality was the reason for my poor decisions. I'm the girl who randomly goes to the mall and runs up my credit card bill because of a whim of desire to do so, or I'll wake up in the morning to tangly hair and decide to go chop it all off. I live for the moment! But that doesn't explain the decisions I have made with relationship prospects over the past couple of years that have only hurt my heart even more and caused me to build walls. There's nothing "captivating" about my past, so I'm going to push forward and like I mentioned earlier, make the decisions that will ultimately change who I am, CHANGE HOW I THINK, and allow me to better myself so that I might become the arousing woman that some man just cannot live without. That's exciting! And fortunately, I think I still have time to remedy some of my problems to better myself for the current boy that's been lingering about. At least I hope so!
Ok, so maybe if the reading stays this intense, I'll start going to Blockbuster instead, haha! Please don't forget to pray for me! Thanks for reading my babble, and feel free to comment. And Staisha, thanks for 1) inspiring me and 2) making me feel better in the midst of my psychosis today. You're da bomb!
Until next time....
"You will find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)
That is a good way for a woman to live as well. Not defiant, not hiding, but alluring and watching to see if he wants to come closer.
~Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge
So how do you distract someone whose thoughts are racing at 32665416354354641 miles per hour? It's pretty hard, actually. Sleep is never an option. In fact, I didn't fall asleep until like 4 this morning. I haven't really had an appetite, so I can't really eat either. Emily is the only one of my roommates that has been home, but she spends half of her time at Steven's and at work, so that hasn't been much help. I've gone back to researching about everything college football and watching bowl games, but tonight was the last one (Hook 'em Horns!) Luckily for me, there's Barnes and Noble! Not only is it a great distraction, but there is a lot of insight and learning that I'm doing, particularly about myself. I'm currently reading Captivating, The Five Love Languages, and The Da Vinci Code (yes, all at the same time.) That's ridiculous, huh? I haven't been bored yet! It's pretty interesting because God has put in my path two parallel notions about love and relationships that has introduced me to answers I never really thought to seek out, and I'm hoping that I'm learning more about my past mistakes so as to improve situations in my future. I know that this post has already been really long (in fact, Jojo has probably already stopped reading) but since I still have a lot of adrenaline going after watching Texas' AMAZING win over USC (sorry William), then I think I'll keep going. Aren't you excited?? That's right you are!
(Some of you might want to take a little intermission right here and come back later....but I'm really excited about my newfound revelations so I have to keep going!)
Ok, so the first idea comes from Captivating which explains that there are 3 different types of women in the world. There are the emasculating women, the desolate women, and the arousing women. All of them are looking for answers to a central Question: am I lovely? am I beautiful? am I captivating? The emasculating woman tries to depreciate the traditional role of the man in an attempt to run from her Question that has not been answered, and therefore, by taking away the man's strength by downplaying his masculinity, he cannot hurt her anymore. The desolate woman is the woman that wants so desperately to be loved so she seeks to get her Question answered via temporary satisfaction in hopes that giving her all will result in the reciprocity of love that unfortunately does not exist in such a situation. The arousing woman is the woman who lets her beauty shine through, who captivates a man's heart, initiating the presentation of his peak strength in a way that her Question gets answered because she feels beautiful. That said, which woman are you?
The book goes on to explain that woman can't depend on men to answer their Question, but rather, when they give their hearts to God, He can lead them to the third situation in which the strength of the man and the beauty of a woman ultimately bring out the best in each other, and they are able to develop a healthy balance where their love can thrive with God being the central component of the relationship. Basically, this is what every woman hopes to achieve, and as with anything, bettering yourself takes time and the book gives a lot of insight about how to chisel away the hurtful walls we've built in the past in order to reveal a heart that's captivating in the future. Cool concept, huh?
So upon reading this, I sat back and thought about which woman I was and decided that, sadly, I am the desolate woman because I try way too hard to obtain the love that I have dreamed about and yearned for in the past 3 and a half years. My classification is reflected by my impulsive decisions that I refuse to elaborate on so as to preserve some of my pride (don't let your minds wander too far though....I've always had high standards.) I have sought for years, given away pieces of myself that I hope to get back, and have still ended up empty handed. Yet the lessons are (still) being learned slowly. Why is this?
That's where the second passage comes in. The Five Love Languages should probably be read by just about everybody. My sister-in-law immediately suggested it upon hearing some of my frustrations (thanks Mish!) Basically, we all have different ways that are most effective in making us feel loved, and being able to capitalize on your partner's primary love language ultimately maximizes the love that you are able to express to them. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, servitude, gifts, and physical touch. The book has a short inventory in the back that helps you classify your primary love language, and in my case, my primary love language is physical touch with words of affirmation coming in a close second. Just as with any language, the love languages have different "dialects" which are basically different modalities of expression within a certain category. For example for physical touch, some of the different dialects are hugging, kissing, holding hands, massages, putting your hand on his/her leg, etc. (of course it goes on to "other" stuff too.) In my experiences, I know that I feel most love when someone gives me a hug, kisses me on the cheek, holds me, cuddles with me, or just touches me in some way (I'm easy.....even if you just put your head in my lap while watching a movie I'm in heaven!) I also tend to notice when the touch gets neglected. Like if a guy walks in the room and walks by where I'm sitting, I get a teensy bit disappointed if they don't at least thump me on the head or something, haha! The most innocent touching makes a world of difference, and neglecting it makes me question whether or not people like/love me. This gets pretty deep, but I'll leave it at face value.
At any rate, the fact that my primary love language is physical touch explains why I've made decisions that have ultimately placed me in the "desolate woman" category. In trying to answer my Question, I've tried to fulfill the needs that lay in my primary love language, and I think that this has been very detrimental for me. I always thought that my personality was the reason for my poor decisions. I'm the girl who randomly goes to the mall and runs up my credit card bill because of a whim of desire to do so, or I'll wake up in the morning to tangly hair and decide to go chop it all off. I live for the moment! But that doesn't explain the decisions I have made with relationship prospects over the past couple of years that have only hurt my heart even more and caused me to build walls. There's nothing "captivating" about my past, so I'm going to push forward and like I mentioned earlier, make the decisions that will ultimately change who I am, CHANGE HOW I THINK, and allow me to better myself so that I might become the arousing woman that some man just cannot live without. That's exciting! And fortunately, I think I still have time to remedy some of my problems to better myself for the current boy that's been lingering about. At least I hope so!
Ok, so maybe if the reading stays this intense, I'll start going to Blockbuster instead, haha! Please don't forget to pray for me! Thanks for reading my babble, and feel free to comment. And Staisha, thanks for 1) inspiring me and 2) making me feel better in the midst of my psychosis today. You're da bomb!
Until next time....
"You will find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13)
That is a good way for a woman to live as well. Not defiant, not hiding, but alluring and watching to see if he wants to come closer.
~Captivating, John and Stasi Eldredge
posted by Stacy @ 2:00 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:11 AM ,
Staisha said...
I'm glad I could help!...even though i never feel that I do! And when you find the answer on how to be the irresistable captivating woman that no man can resist, LET ME KNOW! Lord knows that I need help in the man department as well! I love you, Stacy, and remember to always keep your head up and at least try to find one positive in every situation. You're a wonderful person who sooo many people look up to...you've been my guiding light for years. Remember, I'm always here if you need/want to talk!
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