Life's a roller coaster and I'm not strapped in.....

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Dear Daddy...

*written April 4, 2008*

So, today, we said a final goodbye as we spread your ashes by the waterfall on Petit Jean Mountain. The day was absolutely beautiful, and we found the perfect path to take down the mountain so that Terri with her pregnant belly wouldn't get hurt. She was stubborn and wouldn't really let anyone help her down the mountain, but she handled herself just fine. She's having another little girl, and her name is Jenna Faith. I'm sure she will be beautiful. You sure picked an awesome place for us to gather one last time and reflect on your life. Everyone was able to make it. Granny was upset that she couldn't come down the mountain with us, but she isn't as tough as she used to be. Aunt Pam stayed with her at the top to make sure she was ok. Enon was able to come with us too. I know you never met him before, but he did an excellent job taking pictures of us as we fulfilled your final wish. The moment was beautiful, and even though there were tears, we were all there for each other to help wipe them away. Of course, Dean and William made us all laugh so that the tears didn't last long. We just really miss you a lot and can't wait to see you again one day...

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There has been a lot of healing since you left us, but I think that you would be proud of us. We've found time to be together in spite of all our busy schedules and lack of money. Even though our reunions serve as a huge reminder that something is missing, it helps to be with each other because I can see little pieces of you in everybody. William carries your common sense that I unfortunately don't always have. He really does a good job of putting things into perspective for me. Plus, he loves this country as much as you did, and he's done a great job serving in the Air Force. You'd be such a proud Daddy! Terri has your selfless heart and she never hesitates to lay hands on me with prayer. I truly think that she would do anything for anybody without even thinking of herself first. That's a quality I wish I had gotten from you. Plus, she and I have your feet, and sometimes, it makes me laugh when her feet are next to mine because I remember whose feet they really are. Enon calls them my Fred Flintstone feet. I think you'd really like him because he would make you laugh a lot. Granny said that he was a long-lost Gray. It meant a lot that she approved of him. Lastly, you should know that Dean has done an excellent job of filling in your shoes. If ever I need anything, I know that I can call him and he will help fix any problem that I have. Even with as far away as he is, he still always makes sure that I am ok. I guess that's what big brothers are supposed to do, but he does it better than any other big brother could do it because he knows that you'd be disappointed if he didn't assume your role of taking care of everybody. You'd be really proud of him Daddy. He's been so strong for me and really helped me through rough spots. He's the best big brother anyone could ask for.

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I never knew how hard it was going to be to not be able to call you when I needed encouragement or advice, and I miss our summer vacations when we would tour around the country visiting everybody and site-seeing along the way. It's definitely gotten easier with time, but I still yearn for one of your rib-breaking bear hugs. No one has been able to give me one quite like it since you left, but nonetheless, we've learned to survive in this world which you are no longer apart of. I definitely didn't think we'd be able to do it, but I can tell that you've been watching out for me from heaven. We've been through so much, but we're Grays, and we're strong, and we always figure out a way to make it. I'm so proud of us, and I know you'd be proud of us too. Just continue to watch over us as we go throughout this life, and help us to always remember what's most important. We really love you Daddy, and there's no way that we will ever forget you. Thanks for giving us so many memories to help sustain us as we continue to heal. My heart will always smile with the thought of you, and even though it will probably be a while until we meet again, I will be strong just for you. Afterall, it's what you would have wanted....

Have fun fishing....I love you Daddy...

Always,
Your Little Girl




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