Go fig...

So turns out that God doesn't hate me as much as I think. Ok, He doesn't hate me at all, and He's taking good care of me by not giving me what I want, and, while it's still frustrating and while I'm still super confused, I'm ok. That's because He's showing me what I deserve through the attention of somebody else. Not sure if he's a prospect yet. But for now, he's definitely my angel.

I got my answer with Brian. I wasn't strong enough to walk away from him on my own, but he's dropped me like a bad habit so I'm done. Unless he's got some sort of horrific story (which is possible by the way, this kid is crazy) I think I'm over it. Yes, it sucks. But I can only call him so much before he catches on to my neuroticism and decides I'm not worth it anyway. So I guess that's the end. You'd think I'd catch more respect from a 25 year old who gets paid salary, but hey, if it's gonna happen to anyone, it's gonna happen to me. Not a sob story, just the way it is. Another talley mark on my horrible track record. Shame on me for thinking it was going to be different.

Fortunately, where one door closes, another door opens. Coincidence? Hellifino. I'm just thankful that there was someone to distract me all night because had he not chatted with me online all night (seriously, all night), then I'm pretty sure that I would have been a recluse and sat in my room watching my phone blink in hopes that it would ring while eating ice cream until I threw up. That's never a fun game. It's kind of funny how things worked out though. The scope of our conversation made me realize that everything my roommates have been telling me is absolutely right. Why it has to come from a mere acquaintance from my hometown for me to finally understand, I dunno. His interest in me is genuine. I'm not scared of what it could amount to, but I'm too bruised right now to form expectations. Of course, y'all know me. My heart is impulsive, and once I'm there, I can't walk away. It's a cycle. I guess I'm just going to have to keep going through this cycle until it finally stops. I hope that I don't have to tack on too many talley marks between now and then, but I will not hold back. A hot guy is interested in me......doesn't happen often. Of course I'm flattered, but he's so cool that it makes it all the better. Either way, it was enough to take my mind off things. So, you know who you are....thanks for your time and for caring. It speaks volumes about your character, and I look forward to getting to know you better. And I'm really sorry for jinxing the Braves. Don't worry they'll win tomorrow (or at least I hope so or my ass is grass!)

Ya know, the shittiest part about "relationships" ending is that you have to walk away from an amazing person which ultimately means that you walk out of his life for good. It just sucks so bad. It's almost not fair that you can't keep all of the amazing people in your life forever. But I guess you just have to replace them with more amazing people. Either way, I'm bummed, but I'm ok. I'm now starting to realize why my sister can't keep up with me. But if there was a way to find some sort of consistency in my life, I'd be there. Until I find it, I'll just keep doing my thing and hope that someone will eventually love me for it.

Thanks for the prayers, you guys. And for listening. And for entertaining me. And for being awesome. You're the reason I'm ok right now. Sweet dreams.

"Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
And in loving somebody don't make them love you"
--Jack Johnson