Caught up......
**WARNING: VENTING IN PROGRESS**
Yep, the whole reason I signed up for this blog thing was to get my feelings out, and now, I have bagillions of questions and thoughts getting entangled in my tired little head. Why?? Oh that's right, because boys still suck.
No, nothing happened which is exactly what has me confused. There was no phone call, no text message, no nothing within the past 48 hours. Why?? That is the ultimate question at hand. You see, girls are fucked up when they want so badly to be in love. There's no denying that. I'm guilty. This psychosis, however, can only be blamed on the male population. No, this is not a boy bashing fest, I promise. It's just that as I recollect my failed attempts to form relationships in the past two years, I've encountered the same problem, and that is that guys have a hard time putting their emotions into words, especially when it comes to conveying negative emotions that could be hurtful to the girl. Guys don't give bad news, they give hints that are left open for our interpretation, and unfortunately, we've been conditioned to respond to these hints in a negative way because 9 times out of 10, the guy is just blowing us off to save face. They are merely games that we can't win, and our dramatic tendencies amplify our losses and give us the stigma of being emotionally fucked up. That really sucks. Because what happens when a guy comes along who isn't interested in playing games? It doesn't matter because I've been conditioned, and that conditioning overrides any thoughts or feelings that logically justifies any situation. Why hasn't Brian called me in 48 hours?? In my heart, I know that he's busy, and that's ok. It really is. I don't need a phone call to know that he's still interested. Or do I? History says I do. Therefore, my overanalytical tendencies have fostered a marquee of irrational thoughts that have ultimately overtaken my ability to function normally, thus explaining why I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night downloading songs and thinking about things WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY too much. And it sucks. Period. I don't want to think like this. I don't want to be fucked up anymore. But as far as I'm concerned, the next time that I get told by a guy that I'm being irrational, I hope he looks down and sees the bloodstains on his hands because chances are, at one point in time he opted to play games instead of being honest. That has been detrimental for us all.
Again, this wasn't meant to be a boy bashing fest. And no, not all guys are like this. I'm choosing to think that Brian isn't like this either. When he has time, he will call. Because as of present, he has no obligations to me. Maybe I'm in denial, but a really awesome friend told me tonight that I should give him the benefit of the doubt because it will bring good karma. I know I have a really bad history, but history has to change, right? Something's got to work out eventually. At least I hope so, and I hope it's with Brian. But we shall see...........
Hope y'all are having a good night. I still love you guys!
Everytime I turn around
I fall in love and find my heart face down
And where it lands is when it should
This time it's like
The two of us should probably start to fight
Cuz something's gotta go wrong
Cuz I'm feelin' way too damn good
--Nickelback
Yep, the whole reason I signed up for this blog thing was to get my feelings out, and now, I have bagillions of questions and thoughts getting entangled in my tired little head. Why?? Oh that's right, because boys still suck.
No, nothing happened which is exactly what has me confused. There was no phone call, no text message, no nothing within the past 48 hours. Why?? That is the ultimate question at hand. You see, girls are fucked up when they want so badly to be in love. There's no denying that. I'm guilty. This psychosis, however, can only be blamed on the male population. No, this is not a boy bashing fest, I promise. It's just that as I recollect my failed attempts to form relationships in the past two years, I've encountered the same problem, and that is that guys have a hard time putting their emotions into words, especially when it comes to conveying negative emotions that could be hurtful to the girl. Guys don't give bad news, they give hints that are left open for our interpretation, and unfortunately, we've been conditioned to respond to these hints in a negative way because 9 times out of 10, the guy is just blowing us off to save face. They are merely games that we can't win, and our dramatic tendencies amplify our losses and give us the stigma of being emotionally fucked up. That really sucks. Because what happens when a guy comes along who isn't interested in playing games? It doesn't matter because I've been conditioned, and that conditioning overrides any thoughts or feelings that logically justifies any situation. Why hasn't Brian called me in 48 hours?? In my heart, I know that he's busy, and that's ok. It really is. I don't need a phone call to know that he's still interested. Or do I? History says I do. Therefore, my overanalytical tendencies have fostered a marquee of irrational thoughts that have ultimately overtaken my ability to function normally, thus explaining why I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night downloading songs and thinking about things WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY too much. And it sucks. Period. I don't want to think like this. I don't want to be fucked up anymore. But as far as I'm concerned, the next time that I get told by a guy that I'm being irrational, I hope he looks down and sees the bloodstains on his hands because chances are, at one point in time he opted to play games instead of being honest. That has been detrimental for us all.
Again, this wasn't meant to be a boy bashing fest. And no, not all guys are like this. I'm choosing to think that Brian isn't like this either. When he has time, he will call. Because as of present, he has no obligations to me. Maybe I'm in denial, but a really awesome friend told me tonight that I should give him the benefit of the doubt because it will bring good karma. I know I have a really bad history, but history has to change, right? Something's got to work out eventually. At least I hope so, and I hope it's with Brian. But we shall see...........
Hope y'all are having a good night. I still love you guys!
Everytime I turn around
I fall in love and find my heart face down
And where it lands is when it should
This time it's like
The two of us should probably start to fight
Cuz something's gotta go wrong
Cuz I'm feelin' way too damn good
--Nickelback
posted by Stacy @ 9:16 PM
1 Comments:
At 5:49 PM ,
Staisha said...
oook stacy, after what you told me today, i'm expecting a HAPPY:) message next time! Love ya
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