Little moments....

Hmmm...I still have 30 minutes left of my birthday, and while it has been one heck of a long day, I've enjoyed every minute of it. I am, however, going to take a minute to reflect on the changes that occurred in the past year.

21 was definitely not a good year from me. I spent a majority of my 21st year grieving the loss of my father, and in these last passing minutes of today, I was reminded of how much I miss him. I remember a year ago today, I sat in my apartment surrounded by friends from out of town who had dropped everything that they were doing to come to Athens to help me celebrate. My birthday was great last year, but in the midst of the million phone calls I recieved, I recalled hoping that my caller ID would say "Daddy" before the day was over. At this point, 4 or 5 months had passed without recieving a call from him. He was out of town the previous Christmas, and while he talked to my little brother on Thanksgiving, my conversation with him would have to wait because he didn't have time to catch up. Therefore, I was so hopeful that he would call on my birthday and not forget.

He didn't call.

I was so incredibly sad to the point where I was angry. I mean, this was my Daddy. Surely he could make time to call me on my birthday, right?

I called my mom in tears and vented to her about how disappointed I was. Then I proceeded to get drunk and forget about it. He called me the next day, but I was still too angry to talk to him, so his voicemail was the only thing I got from him for my 21st birthday, and it was a day late. Hell, my card even got lost in the mail.

Those memories hurt because they portray my father as some kind of "deadbeat dad" which he absolutely was not. Long distance relationships are hard because the truth to the matter is that life happens and it gets in the way sometimes. In this particular instance, I was too stubborn to even take whatever time he was able to offer me. Now, I know that answering my phone, even if it was one day late, would have been one more conversation we could have had. But now, I'll never get it back.

The reason for this reflection is because one of the biggest things I've learned from this experience is to cherish as many little moments as you can with the people God has blessed into your life. I went to dinner last night with some of the most amazing friends I've ever had, and being surrounded by them absolutely made my day! And not just today because it was my birthday, but everyday! I have met so many great people in my 22 years here, and I wish that I could be a part of each and every one of their lives in the future, but I know that would never be possible. It's so hard to keep up with so many people. Sometimes, I wish I could just have my own little town and let all of my friends and family live there so that I could keep up with everyone. Instead, I just make it a point to cherish what I have and live for the little moments that pull on my heart strings and leave me with "that" feeling inside. When I think about one of them, I call them. When I appreciate something about them, I compliment them. When I'm thankful for them, I tell them. And when I remember that I am so blessed to have them in my life, I let them know that I love them. Life doesn't have to get in the way, and doing what you can is the best way to live so that later, when they aren't there anymore, you don't have to wonder if they left this world wondering how you really felt.

Thanks for a great birthday you guys! I love y'all a whole big heap!

"Yeah I live for little moments when he steals my heart again and doesn't even know it.
Yeah I live for little moments like that..."
~Brad Paisley