Hell Week...

Monday - 10 page paper due.
Tuesday - 45 minute presentation and graded exercise test.
Wednesday - data collection for biomechanics final project.
Thursday - Interview in Savannah at Armstrong Atlantic State University for PT school.
Friday - 5 page paper due.

This ultimately means that I have no life and will not be sleeping. yay! Stay tuned until next week and maybe I'll have something more interesting and thoughtful to reflect on.

THE END IS NEAR! 17 DAYS UNTIL GRADUATION!

"If you're going through hell, keep going!"
~Winston Churchill

Thanksgiving....

So, I've decided that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (after my birthday of course, haha!) I don't really know what it is.....maybe it's because Christmas is usually pretty crappy because I hate being away from all of my family, and, let's face it - nobody really reflects on the true meaning of Christmas like they should. As much as I love giving (and recieving) Christmas presents, it seems like that's all it's ever about. I'm sure that other families spend more quality time together than my family, but in my experiences, I've never gotten over the lack of "togetherness" that I think that you should share. But then again, my family is far from normal, so maybe there's hope for the future. We'll see.

So yeah, Thanksgiving it is. I don't know why. I love cooking with my parents even though they think I'm a disaster in the kitchen (which I'm not.....they just like to have things done their way....oh well). My mom and I made pumpkin pie bars which were actually pretty good, and we kind of just hung out the entire day. I did get a little sick which sucked, and I officially used up an entire box of Kleenex and look like Rudolph, but it still didn't damper my day too much. I really missed not having my brother here, and one of these days I'm going to be able to spend this day with the other side of my family, but I thoroughly enjoyed my quaint little Thanksgiving with my parents. Go fig....

So yeah, in the past 6 months, I've really come to realize how precious life really is, thus giving me plenty to be thankful for. Today, as I went throughout the day, I praised God for all of the wonderful people that He's put into my life. I have amazing family members (hey, we put the "fun" in "dysFUNctional" but we love each other and that's all that really matters) and great friends that really complete who I am and share my life with me. That's very important. There's no point in living if you don't have someone to indulge in the glories of life with no matter who it is. For this I am very thankful.

I am also thankful that in spite of the short amount of time that we had together, my Daddy was able to share so much wisdom with me and I think that really shaped who I am. He was an amazing man, and I'm very thankful that God let us have him for a little while before He took him back to be with Him. I'm also very thankful for God's strength and grace throughout the past six months. I've really changed as a person, and I'm glad that I was able to grow into the strong, Christian woman that God intended me to be. I could have very easily victimized myself and caused a lot more hardship for myself, but I'm glad that I didn't do this and I'm thankful for God's direction with every fork in the road I came to face. His guidance has always been and will continue to be such a blessing.

I'm also very thankful that I've grown closer to Dean and Mischa. We didn't talk for a little while there, mostly because we got too caught up in life to make time for each other. Now, I talk to my sister-in-law almost every single day and have found in her a new mentor for the rocky times that God throws our way. I'm also glad that Dean and I have grown closer and I love the role that he has in my life now. He's kind of filled in Dad's shoes, but he's still my brother and it kind of makes him like a really cool parent. I think he would definitely call me out on something if he thought I was making faulty decisions, but he's been pretty supportive of me, and he amuses me. I enjoy keeping up with him and am glad that we've established a tighter bond that I hope will continue to grow.

I could seriously go on forever and ever about everything I've been grateful for this past year. But I just think it's important to reflect on how awesome our lives really are in spite of how stressful and perfunctory they can be. We have plenty of things to be thankful for, and I am truly thankful for each and every one of you. Never forget it....

So, I hope everyone's turkey was delicious. Take care you guys, and remember that I love you! Night......

"I thank my God every time I remember you..." ~Philipians 1:3

Anti-Orange

Ok, for the record....I friggin' hate Auburn. But, at least their fans aren't as gross as the stupid Florida fans. So my question: having the same colors as Auburn, why can't the Florida fans find something nice to wear to the games like the Auburn people?

Orange and Blue is still the ugliest color combo ever!

And Mark Richt sucks.....

maybe I'll feel like writing more later.........take it easy...in the meantime, check out my brother's blog (it's linked to mine)! He needs some hits, and his first blog is awesome! ;)




Red and Black are so much better! I love my roomies!

It's just a thinking thing.....

Wow, I've been on a roll. Aren't ya proud Chance?

So, I was blessed in multiple ways this weekend. That's a cheesy thing to say, but seriously, in more than one way, God took care of me in what could have been a very somber weekend. I had a couple of friends call me that needed some cheering up which always makes me feel good, especially since sometimes, being an "S" means that you are the one that rarely gets called because you're in the back of the phonebook (yeah my logic is probably skewed, but I truly believe this, haha!) Additionally, my brother called me while he was driving to his meeting, so we were able to entertain each other for a good two hours which was nice. When he called, I was in the midst of boredom which ultimately sends the gears in my tired little head turning on a rampage to overanalyze everything. More on this later. Needless to say, I'm glad I was diverted from my thoughts for a little while.

So, yeah, I'm very grateful for all these distractions. The little things are everything, and it was encouraging to see that God was there for me when I could have sat here and wallowed in my bad attitude. Yeah I know, attitude is everything....blah blah blah........well, sometimes I don't like to listen to all those profound little sayings in spite of how true they are. And, yes, I know that having a bad attitude just wastes time that could be spent constructively finding solutions to problems, but I guess you have to do what you have to do. I'm a brat (I really am.....the torch was officially passed down to me) so if I have to have a pity part before I can start patching things back together, then by all means, right?

Ok, back to the thinking thing. It goes without being said that I think way incredibly too damn much. Just read my blog. It gets deep. Hell, y'all have totally quit leaving comments because most of you really have no idea what to say. And that's ok because I take that as more of a sign that I need to chill out. At any rate, I figured out why I think too much. My life has never been simple, especially right now. I've had more experiences that have lead me to hell and back, and with as many places as I've been and with all the turmoil that I've gone through, the scope of my thought processes span just as far. Sometimes, I wish I could be one of those people who lived in a bubble because their lives are so simple, thus making it much easier to be optimistic and find solutions when life causes heartache, but simplicity isn't a blessing I've ever been given. Sure, I probably complicate things more than I should. That might explain why my most previous failure of a relationship occurred, that being that my skepticism impeded on my ability to open up my heart. I'm not going to lie, I really do drive myself insane. But that's all I know to do.

One of the powerful aspects of thinking, however, is that I've come to a point where I can really control my thoughts. I recently read in a book that "emotions simply respond to what we're thinking about. They are neither positive or negative. Emotions allow us to feel our thoughts." (Your Best Life Now, Joel Osteen) I guess that's where my emotional strength comes from. I don't necessarily think that you can control your emotions that easily because there definitely come times when the outpour of grief or happiness outweighs any ability to think logically or systematically about what's going on. But you can definitely manage your emotions and I think that planting optimistic seeds of thought when hardships abound makes it easy to alleviate sorrow. I don't always choose to do this (please refer back to the brat thing) which is why the turmoil doesn't go away. I can't surpass my own stubborness to do the things I need to do in order to keep my emotions at bay. I wanna pout. I want to victimize myself (I get that from my mother) and ask questions until I know how I am going to be compensated for my grief. And that's just stupid. It's perhaps one of the biggest flaws I have. But this weekend, God took care of that. He distracted me from my own self-victimization so that I might find peace in the lessons he is trying to teach me. Man, I wish I wasn't so stubborn (I get that from my Daddy) because only when I truly succomb to the will of the Lord will I truly be free of the turmoil that I constantly go through.

My brother sent me this in an email: A minister preached a sermon and used an illustration about a shepherd. This shepherd had a lamb that was rebellious and continually straying from the flock. In fear for the lamb's safety, the shepherd broke the lamb's leg. Cruel huh? The lamb thought so, and tried to bite the shepherd when he attempted to feed it. After a time, the lamb realized that the shepherd wasn't going to hurt him again and started to trust him for his basic needs. The lamb was forced to rely on the shepherd for food, shelter, and transportation. You see, when his leg healed, the once unfocused lamb was closer to the shepherd than all the other sheep. God will allow our "legs to be broken" so that we will get closer to Him. In order for us to get closer to Him we have to rely on Him and His judgment even when it hurts.

Makes sense, huh? Perhaps I'll start taking God more seriously, quit being a baby, quit being rebellious, and try finding the sunshine in my gray skies. After all, I have my answer which always makes it easier to implement the solution, right? We'll see....

So yeah, didn't know this was gonna be so long. Oh well...take care you guys....I love you...

"Do not allow difficult events to cancel the joy of knowing you are a child of God. Choose to allow God's spirit to fill you with His unquenchable joy, and your life will be a miracle to those who watch you face the trials that come."

Life is better understood backwards...

Quick blog to remind the world of what an idiot I am.

Hindsight is 20/20. My SIM card memory was low so I had to clean out all my text messages, and to go back in time and realize that all the signs were very much present makes me so mad at myself! There was subtle pursuit, but apparently I'm too friggin stubborn to realize it. What's it gonna take? Someone knocking me upside the head until I think straight about the rather obvious things that are chillin' right in front of me?

I'm an idiot. Hopefully next time I'll figure it out.

Just thought I'd vent. :(

Have a great weekend.........

random thoughts from the injured heart....

Well, that sucks.

But it's ok. It really is. Ok, it's really not ok right now, but it will be soon. Very soon. This is, after all, only day one.

So, Mina told me not too long ago that I'm really backwards. He said that it's amazing how I handled my father's death with such grace, but when it comes to the little things, I freak. And it's true. Yes, the little things are important, but you can't let them break you. Easier said than done....

As much as I want to be mad at myself for not figuring things out sooner (yeah, I really shot myself in the foot with that one, dammit!) I realize that, once again, things didn't work out for a reason. I'm ok with that. I am making a point not to victimize myself over this. Sure, I've slipped up a few times (and my psychic friend called me out on it before I even said anything to her) but it's not the end of the world (how cliche is that?) It just sucks. I just want to matter. (And I know I do.) But as Chance says, I want to be the ultimate matter to someone (hey dude, that's the 4th time you've made my blog...definitely a big deal! haha) I just need someone to care. Not necessarily him, but I wanted it to be him. I finally convinced myself that I wanted him there, but I took too long. I put my heart on my sleeve, but it was too late. And I thought it would be easier to handle. I thought having answers, regardless of what they were, was all I wanted, but my emotions are so overstimulated these days that I have lost all strength to handle anything with grace. ANYTHING! My roommate sent me one of the sweetest emails ever, and I balled. Be amused, because I was. Hey, that's ok. So I'm not a rock. I didn't like being a rock anyway. By the same token, I have to calm down. I can't keep letting myself get too overwhelmed. It's just not healthy. I don't feel like the same, fun-loving person that I used to be. Truth is, I love life, I love people, but no one wants to be brought down. I sure don't. So I need to figure things out, puff out my chest a little, build a bridge, and get over it. And I will.

Ya know, Dr. Phil makes a mint by telling people things that their friends have been telling them for years. And it's true. At this point, I'm just really grateful for how amazing my friends have been today. They have come to my rescue and I haven't even talked to half of them yet. They just knew! That's awesome, and it's something I am very grateful for. :)

So, yeah, I guess I'm ok. Well, maybe I'll be ok tomorrow. Or maybe I'll be ok once I realize that I haven't lost a friend because of this situation. I guess we'll just see.

And I have no idea what the point of this blog was except to vent a little maybe. Either way, thanks for listening....

I love you guys....

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."

(thanks KT...I love you!)