It's just a thinking thing.....

Wow, I've been on a roll. Aren't ya proud Chance?

So, I was blessed in multiple ways this weekend. That's a cheesy thing to say, but seriously, in more than one way, God took care of me in what could have been a very somber weekend. I had a couple of friends call me that needed some cheering up which always makes me feel good, especially since sometimes, being an "S" means that you are the one that rarely gets called because you're in the back of the phonebook (yeah my logic is probably skewed, but I truly believe this, haha!) Additionally, my brother called me while he was driving to his meeting, so we were able to entertain each other for a good two hours which was nice. When he called, I was in the midst of boredom which ultimately sends the gears in my tired little head turning on a rampage to overanalyze everything. More on this later. Needless to say, I'm glad I was diverted from my thoughts for a little while.

So, yeah, I'm very grateful for all these distractions. The little things are everything, and it was encouraging to see that God was there for me when I could have sat here and wallowed in my bad attitude. Yeah I know, attitude is everything....blah blah blah........well, sometimes I don't like to listen to all those profound little sayings in spite of how true they are. And, yes, I know that having a bad attitude just wastes time that could be spent constructively finding solutions to problems, but I guess you have to do what you have to do. I'm a brat (I really am.....the torch was officially passed down to me) so if I have to have a pity part before I can start patching things back together, then by all means, right?

Ok, back to the thinking thing. It goes without being said that I think way incredibly too damn much. Just read my blog. It gets deep. Hell, y'all have totally quit leaving comments because most of you really have no idea what to say. And that's ok because I take that as more of a sign that I need to chill out. At any rate, I figured out why I think too much. My life has never been simple, especially right now. I've had more experiences that have lead me to hell and back, and with as many places as I've been and with all the turmoil that I've gone through, the scope of my thought processes span just as far. Sometimes, I wish I could be one of those people who lived in a bubble because their lives are so simple, thus making it much easier to be optimistic and find solutions when life causes heartache, but simplicity isn't a blessing I've ever been given. Sure, I probably complicate things more than I should. That might explain why my most previous failure of a relationship occurred, that being that my skepticism impeded on my ability to open up my heart. I'm not going to lie, I really do drive myself insane. But that's all I know to do.

One of the powerful aspects of thinking, however, is that I've come to a point where I can really control my thoughts. I recently read in a book that "emotions simply respond to what we're thinking about. They are neither positive or negative. Emotions allow us to feel our thoughts." (Your Best Life Now, Joel Osteen) I guess that's where my emotional strength comes from. I don't necessarily think that you can control your emotions that easily because there definitely come times when the outpour of grief or happiness outweighs any ability to think logically or systematically about what's going on. But you can definitely manage your emotions and I think that planting optimistic seeds of thought when hardships abound makes it easy to alleviate sorrow. I don't always choose to do this (please refer back to the brat thing) which is why the turmoil doesn't go away. I can't surpass my own stubborness to do the things I need to do in order to keep my emotions at bay. I wanna pout. I want to victimize myself (I get that from my mother) and ask questions until I know how I am going to be compensated for my grief. And that's just stupid. It's perhaps one of the biggest flaws I have. But this weekend, God took care of that. He distracted me from my own self-victimization so that I might find peace in the lessons he is trying to teach me. Man, I wish I wasn't so stubborn (I get that from my Daddy) because only when I truly succomb to the will of the Lord will I truly be free of the turmoil that I constantly go through.

My brother sent me this in an email: A minister preached a sermon and used an illustration about a shepherd. This shepherd had a lamb that was rebellious and continually straying from the flock. In fear for the lamb's safety, the shepherd broke the lamb's leg. Cruel huh? The lamb thought so, and tried to bite the shepherd when he attempted to feed it. After a time, the lamb realized that the shepherd wasn't going to hurt him again and started to trust him for his basic needs. The lamb was forced to rely on the shepherd for food, shelter, and transportation. You see, when his leg healed, the once unfocused lamb was closer to the shepherd than all the other sheep. God will allow our "legs to be broken" so that we will get closer to Him. In order for us to get closer to Him we have to rely on Him and His judgment even when it hurts.

Makes sense, huh? Perhaps I'll start taking God more seriously, quit being a baby, quit being rebellious, and try finding the sunshine in my gray skies. After all, I have my answer which always makes it easier to implement the solution, right? We'll see....

So yeah, didn't know this was gonna be so long. Oh well...take care you guys....I love you...

"Do not allow difficult events to cancel the joy of knowing you are a child of God. Choose to allow God's spirit to fill you with His unquenchable joy, and your life will be a miracle to those who watch you face the trials that come."