more thoughts....
One of my roommates came up to me the other day and made a comment about how backwards it seemed that my daddy passed away and I was the one that gave her a card. My roommates and best friends called me everyday when I was in Louisiana to make sure I was ok and to listen to me as I tried to get my thoughts together, and I thought their actions were worthy of my gratitude. I also sent out cards to some other people last week just to let them know how awesome I think they are. Truth is, in times like this, your appreciation for people is restored because you realize how precious they make your life and you're reminded of the goodness they are capable of exuding. Throughout this entire fiasco, people have stepped up and have done some amazing things. We got so many things from prayers to hugs to donations to flowers.....people told stories, sent cards, made food, fed our dogs, and even bought toilet paper for us (yeah, that person was definitely thinking!) All the little things added up, and I wish that I could express my sincere gratitude to every one of you who acknowledged my daddy's death because knowing that you cared, even if it was only for a mere second, made all the difference. I went through 2 books of stamps, and, believe me, it still wasn't enough. So, please, I hope you all know how much I love you guys and thank you for everything. You guys are great!
So how am I? I'm ok. Of course, I miss my Daddy, but I've spent the last 14 years missing him. The pain is nothing new, but the notion of knowing I'll never get to see him again is still very hard to accept and, at times, unbelievable. The past two weeks are still a little fuzzy, almost like a bad dream. I'm sure his absence will really hit home during the holidays, at graduation, on birthdays, and then later at my wedding (should that ever happen) and when I have kids. Daddy took us to the movies a long time ago to see "Armageddon" and I'm not a big crier (at least not until the past two weeks), but I balled during that movie. I distinctly remember the line that broke the floodgates, and that was when Grace was saying goodbye to her Daddy because he had to stay on the meteor to detonate the bomb, and he said, "I'm sorry I won't be there to walk you down the aisle..." I thought that was the saddest thing ever, and you better believe that it absolutely breaks my heart. We went through a bazillion boxes of pictures before the funeral, and seeing pictures of my sister's wedding was really hard. My brother, of course, has already offered be there which I'm very thankful for, but it's not the same. It just reminds me of all the memories we won't get to share. But I know that he's with me, and somehow, that's comforting. I still talk to him. I even had a yelling session with him one night last week, and while it helped, I still wish he would have been here to yell back. There have been a lot of little things that have happened that remind me that he's with me. For example, I burned this CD a long time ago with a lot of random songs on it including "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan, and ever since I burned it, the CD always starts skipping in the middle of that song. On the drive home from Louisiana, however, the song played all the way through. Weird, huh? I thought it was really cool. Thanks for the reminder Dad. :)
My family is doing ok although my brother and stepmom absolutely break my heart. Dean took over the payments of Daddy's truck and took it back with him to Chicago. He hasn't moved the seat, adjusted the mirrors, or changed the radio station. He says he's even going to leave the "Georgia Dad" sticker on the back windshield. The good news, however, is that he's finally started grieving. He was so strong for us, mostly me, while we were in Louisiana. I tried to get him to cry with me, but he's stubborn like that (I know, the pot's calling the kettle black, huh? Guess we get it honestly....). And Lynne....all we can do is pray. I mean, how would you get over something like this? Yeah, he was my Dad, but he was her whole world. I dunno....time is all we can ask for. Please keep them in your prayers.
I went to church this morning, and while I'm sure this is shocking, get used to it cause I hope to be there every Sunday. We went to a contemporary service and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I felt so close to Daddy. Worshipping God is something he loved to do, so it's something I hope to embrace. My Dad was full of good character, appreciation, and love....all things that allowed him to enjoy life to the absolute fullest. I need that because I need him to continue to walk with me and be proud. So if anyone wants to go to church with me, please let me know...I would love to share the experience with you.
Well, that's all I have for now. I'm sure that a lot of my reflections seem a little redundant, but this grief is still very fresh and I have to get through it somehow, so bear with me. And while I know that a lot of you don't understand my pain, please don't hesitate to share your thoughts. Also, I wanted to give a little shout out to those of you who find my blog entertaining...I found out that my entries have alleviated boredom at work and what not, so I just wanted to thank you guys for expressing your appreciation...it makes me feel good.... :)
Until next time....
"Cherish the little things in life because they are the keys that open doors to moments that last forever...."
-R. Gray
So how am I? I'm ok. Of course, I miss my Daddy, but I've spent the last 14 years missing him. The pain is nothing new, but the notion of knowing I'll never get to see him again is still very hard to accept and, at times, unbelievable. The past two weeks are still a little fuzzy, almost like a bad dream. I'm sure his absence will really hit home during the holidays, at graduation, on birthdays, and then later at my wedding (should that ever happen) and when I have kids. Daddy took us to the movies a long time ago to see "Armageddon" and I'm not a big crier (at least not until the past two weeks), but I balled during that movie. I distinctly remember the line that broke the floodgates, and that was when Grace was saying goodbye to her Daddy because he had to stay on the meteor to detonate the bomb, and he said, "I'm sorry I won't be there to walk you down the aisle..." I thought that was the saddest thing ever, and you better believe that it absolutely breaks my heart. We went through a bazillion boxes of pictures before the funeral, and seeing pictures of my sister's wedding was really hard. My brother, of course, has already offered be there which I'm very thankful for, but it's not the same. It just reminds me of all the memories we won't get to share. But I know that he's with me, and somehow, that's comforting. I still talk to him. I even had a yelling session with him one night last week, and while it helped, I still wish he would have been here to yell back. There have been a lot of little things that have happened that remind me that he's with me. For example, I burned this CD a long time ago with a lot of random songs on it including "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan, and ever since I burned it, the CD always starts skipping in the middle of that song. On the drive home from Louisiana, however, the song played all the way through. Weird, huh? I thought it was really cool. Thanks for the reminder Dad. :)
My family is doing ok although my brother and stepmom absolutely break my heart. Dean took over the payments of Daddy's truck and took it back with him to Chicago. He hasn't moved the seat, adjusted the mirrors, or changed the radio station. He says he's even going to leave the "Georgia Dad" sticker on the back windshield. The good news, however, is that he's finally started grieving. He was so strong for us, mostly me, while we were in Louisiana. I tried to get him to cry with me, but he's stubborn like that (I know, the pot's calling the kettle black, huh? Guess we get it honestly....). And Lynne....all we can do is pray. I mean, how would you get over something like this? Yeah, he was my Dad, but he was her whole world. I dunno....time is all we can ask for. Please keep them in your prayers.
I went to church this morning, and while I'm sure this is shocking, get used to it cause I hope to be there every Sunday. We went to a contemporary service and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I felt so close to Daddy. Worshipping God is something he loved to do, so it's something I hope to embrace. My Dad was full of good character, appreciation, and love....all things that allowed him to enjoy life to the absolute fullest. I need that because I need him to continue to walk with me and be proud. So if anyone wants to go to church with me, please let me know...I would love to share the experience with you.
Well, that's all I have for now. I'm sure that a lot of my reflections seem a little redundant, but this grief is still very fresh and I have to get through it somehow, so bear with me. And while I know that a lot of you don't understand my pain, please don't hesitate to share your thoughts. Also, I wanted to give a little shout out to those of you who find my blog entertaining...I found out that my entries have alleviated boredom at work and what not, so I just wanted to thank you guys for expressing your appreciation...it makes me feel good.... :)
Until next time....
"Cherish the little things in life because they are the keys that open doors to moments that last forever...."
-R. Gray
posted by Stacy @ 11:07 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home