"Life at best is bittersweet..."

So, it's official: I've signed my lease and will be moving to Augusta on May 6th. As excited as I should be about this, I find myself dreading the date of departure to the point where this bittersweet change in my life is tasting more and more bitter. I know that it's human nature to resist change, but how do you go from a great college town like Athens to a city like Augusta where your sole purpose will be to go to school and study (because that's all I'm going to have time to do thanks to the high expectations presented by the MCG DPT department)? It's kind of funny because while it's been in my plan to go to PT school since the day I changed my major from computer science to exercise and sports science, actually going seems kind of crazy. I mean, who is insane enough to give me a doctorate so that society has to address me as Dr. Gray?? I know I can get through the program (school has always been my thing and as much as it sucks, I'm the master of figuring this shit out) but sometimes, it just seems almost dumb that I'm choosing an environment where my social stimulation will be restricted by time I don't have and that being able to go downtown and unwind will not be an option. I mean, y'all know me...do I seriously seem like someone with enough discipline to be a doctor? Who knows, but this is the path I've chosen, and I'm finally taking the next step. Is it a dream come true? Not so much. I never doubted I would get where I am right now, I'm just not so sure that I'll be able to find someone that's going to be able to keep up with me. But then again, maybe I won't be the black sheep (let's pray that they admitted someone just as nuts as I am!) Either way, I'm thankful to have Jonathan and Paige to appreciate me on my bad days. It's just going to take some time and a lot of funny looks before the rest of these people accept the fact that I'm a little crazy......

Needless to say, I've found myself wondering why I opted to go with the 3 and a half year program as opposed to the 5-6 year program that most UGA students choose. Athens is a unique college town in that everything was built around UGA simply to cater to college students. Why didn't I milk it for all it's worth? I definitely got a lot out of the past 4 years that I've been an Athenian, but letting go is going to be one of the hardest things ever. Hell, we have alumni that come back and still pretend to be college students. Maybe some people never let go. And maybe we don't have to. After all, this experience has really played a huge roll in who I've become. Athens was my "Red Dirt Road" (where I drank my first beer...where I found Jesus...etc.) Depending on who you talk to, some people go to college get their MRS degree/find their wife, some people come seeking to find their true selves, and some come to learn every detail of every subject that their professors waste time lecturing on and spend countless number of hours in the library absorbing as much useless information as they can. Then there's the rest of us who come just to get through it and just so happen to find ourselves on the way while learning some useful things that we'll take with us in the next chapter. My mold is more solid thanks to Athens, and, while I'm not done growing by any means, I honestly think my roots are a little deeper here than they are in Perry. Perry came with too many cushions to fall on. For example, I got in trouble with some of my friends senior year and was taken to court, almost arrested, and ended up having to hire a lawyer to negotiate a deal to keep me out of trouble. Mom was there to pick up the tab (around $1500) and fight my battles for me. In Athens, however, I had a run-in with the ACC Police on my 20th birthday, and $400 later, my record was still clean thanks to my ability to responsibly handle the trouble I got myself into. The point is, there were a lot of things I had to figure out for myself. I dealt with loneliness, grief, financial instability, weight issues, stress from school, car problems, plumbing/electricity problems, depression, hangovers, illnesses, and I did it all on my own with friends/family to fall back on during occasional hardships that I needed help with. I've grown more in the past 4 years than I have in my 22 years on this earth which explains why leaving the place that I've seemingly conquered is complemented by a deep heartache. I've accomplished a lot, and now I have to start over. And I know I can do it, I just not so sure I'm ready to. But, I guess I have no choice, now do I?

I'm entering Augusta with more strength than I've had my whole life and with Athens in my heart. That makes it easier to "move on", but that doesn't mean I'll be dry-eyed when I exit the Athens City Limits on Highway 78 towards the uncertainty Augusta holds. Luckily for me, I have 2 more weeks to live in denial, and you better believe that I'm going to be living it up! In the meantime, I'll be praying for a little cushioning to get me through this inevitable change.

Until next time....I love y'all!

“Moving on is a simple thing; what it leaves behind is hard.”

Sex in the Classic City

So, I read this article in the "Sex in the Classic City" section of last Friday's Red and Black, and, sadly, I think that the author, whom I've always found to be a bit chauvinistic, is absolutely right. I guess I can't blame him for the general tendencies of the male population in Athens, but I'm still rather disgusted by the truths revealed in this article. Basically, the article considers discrepancies across genders of expectations for potential significant others during the infancy of a relationship. You'll have to read the article for yourself because I'm too lazy to plot out all the points for ya, but sadly, I've realized that by trying to maintain high standards and retain reasonable expectations, I've fallen in the trap that ultimately leads to an even harder fall for girls when things don't work out. Damn.

The article notes that, "a girl wears a crush like a ring and therefore believes that a guy with a genuine crush should devote his undivided attention to her alone." Well, isn't it true that a guy really isn't that into you if he can't be exclusive? The societal norms in Athens (or any college town for that matter) suggest that if a guy hangs out with a girl too often, he might smother her, seem too needy or desperate, or it might ruin his chances with other prospects. But because of a guy's biological need for female interaction, he must spend limited time with multiple girls until something flourishes into a full-blown, exclusive relationship. Basically, it just means that all guys around here are just a bunch of players, and I really would love to know how many real relationships ever come about using this dating method because if the method has been proven to be faulty, perhaps I can stop being so damn hard on myself!

Is it so wrong for a girl to expect your undivided attention, especially if she's willing to give you hers? Aren't relationships about reciprocity? I'm the first to admit that when interested in a guy who shows any interest in me, I immediately start looking towards the immediate and long-term future to prepare to spend time with him and to make sure that our circumstances will provide ample nourishment towards our potential relationship. The slightest things run through my head like, "I need to sweep my bathroom floor, wash my sheets, shave my legs, and have gum in my purse at all times," and then further down the line, you have to consider bigger things like, "well, Statesboro is only an hour and a half from where I'm going to be in Augusta which isn't too bad," or "well, he's going to be in the Bahamas all summer working on sailboats which basically means I won't get to see or talk to him very much, if at all." Of course, I usually don't let these things dictate my decision to pursue the relationship (I'm an idiot like that) but it's at least nice to be prepared I guess. Women are planners - would you expect anything less? Apparently, this ultimately expedites the inevitable let-down because no matter how much chemistry you have with a guy, knowing that he isn't giving you his undivided attention ruins any plans that we might have made. Therefore we are left to try again........and again........and again.

There are guys in this town who aren't governed by these callow rules (I know this first hand...my roommates date these guys...gag.) I sure as hell haven't found a guy that hasn't been willing to play games, so fortunately for me, I'm getting out of here in hopes of having better luck in the future. Let's just hope that these rules don't continue to haunt me, because I suck at the game and I'm tired of playing!

Until next time.....love you guys!

“You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.”
~Elbert Hubbard

"Eventually all the pieces fall into place; until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason."

You know people should really pay me to help them get over heartache because I'm getting pretty damn good at it! haha...

But seriously, I understand all too well why it didn't work out, and I'm honestly ok. I mean, yeah I got pretty drunk last night and I might have booked a plane ticket to Vegas in the midst of my inebriation (oops!) but I think I've already done a good job picking myself up. At this point, all I'm focused on is having a damn good time for the month I have left here, and then it'll be time to start over and the thought of getting out of here is refreshing! I mean, I'll miss this place, but I'm ready for something new, and I'm ready for time to let my heart heal. I've not done a very good job of guarding my heart, so I'm going to focus on the fun times to come, and I know that one day, it's all going to work EXACTLY how it's supposed to. I'm sticking with good thoughts: I know I'm amazing, and therefore, God has someone even more amazing out there for me, and He's preparing him for me so that I'll never have to know what a broken heart feels like again! And you better believe I'm going to rock his world! In the meantime, I get to eat a lot of ice cream and not feel bad about it...

...and, well, it looks like I'm going to Vegas and my little brother is going to show me the ropes! That should be interesting.....

Anywho, love you guys!

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life..." ~Proverbs 4:23