The Convenience of Communication

Drama - can't live with it, and there's no possible way to live without it. It haunts you, it follows you, it feeds your fire, and unfortunately, it must be an essential part of the continuous cycles that course through our lives. Otherwise, we would have the capability of telling it to just go away. If only life were so easy...

I've been boiling over a bit of my own drama that involves a case of the Ex-Files. I previously wrote a blog that I decided to take down as I didn't want it to look like Enon and I were having problems because we're not, and really, he's done nothing wrong. However, it really is impossible to talk about his ex-girlfriends without it being a personal attack on him. So rather than sifting through what has actually happened, I'm going to make my analysis of what's been going on as systematic as possible. That way, I avoid bending any of the facts so as not to form a biased argument - I just have a point to make, so I'm going to make it.

Communication these days is made completely convenient due to accessories like the internet which provides email, instant messaging, and social directories such as myspace or facebook; cell phones which can be taken practically anywhere, thus giving people an outlet for communication at any moment they can find spare time and a moderately strong signal. It also provides text messaging and media swapping that makes it easy to keep up with friends and family. Could you imagine a world where you couldn't call someone on your break from work or your ride home from school?? Could you imagine having to make plans ahead of time because you couldn't rely on the portability of a cell phone to figure out where to meet your friends downtown or figure out where everyone was hanging out on a Saturday night?? Could you imagine having to actually sit down and write a letter to someone and send it through snail mail?? I'd probably get a cramp in my hand.....the point is, modern communication is easy, efficient, and absolutely convenient, thus making it easier to keep up with more people than you probably need to. This is where I raise my question - is it really necessary to keep up with so many people, just because it's convenient??

I've never liked it when I felt like a convenience to any of my friends. There were many times where I felt like people were hanging out with me as a last resort and/or talking with me because there was simply no one else to talk to. Honestly, I'd rather spend a Saturday night alone than hang out with someone just to appease their need for companionship. Those who "use" people to their convenience are dispensible to me because I'd rather reserve room in my heart (and in my schedule) for the people who truly care about me. Venues like myspace and facebook have made it very convenient to keep up with old friends from high school. My mother is still perplexed as to how I know so much about my old classmates because she has no idea what either website entails. She thinks I'm in the "loop" when really, I'm just a computer whore who likes to stalk people on the internet in order to avoid doing things such as studying. The communication I've had with some people would never have been made possible without these two social networks, thus making me realize that the convenience of such communication tools makes it easier for me to pry into the gossip of other people's lives while making it appear that I'm showing genuine interest in their well being. As a result, I too, have become responsible of using people to my convenience as I have let the drama of their lives serve as my entertainment. Verdict: guilty as charged.

Now before I start scrutinizing myself too badly, I will say that just because I have utilized these tools to keep up with people doesn't mean that I've abused the convenience. Recent advertisements encourage people to "be human, use tools" thus making use of these domains merely smart. This doesn't mean that I would hesitate to pick up the phone and call someone to show genuine interest in their well-being. Being in grad school just makes it hard to find time to keep up with everyone, so I HAVE to be efficient. In the midst of having 3 group projects due next week, a diabetes patient to run tests and measures on, and having to be in class from 9-4 everyday, why not use the internet to tell my mom I'm doing ok, wish Kit a Happy Birthday, and ask my professor to specify her expectations for our research project? In 5 minutes, I have it all knocked out, and I get to go to bed at a decent hour - a much needed award if you ask any grad student. But that's not what I'm getting to.....

The real point at hand: ex's. Unfortunately, I've found that email, private messages, and text messaging serve as a slyful and deceiving way for ex's to keep in contact with my boyfriend. This is absolutely NOT ok. Call me old fashioned, but I really don't think it's ok for ex's to show co-dependent behavior to each other after they've agreed to end the relationship. This is not to say that you should wish bad things on the people who used to be special to you, but it's not necessary for you to tell them every development in your life since you decided to split. Unfortunately, modern communication makes this easy. However, there's no way to let new people in if you can't let the old people out, which is why I'm a firm believer in letting the past stay in the past. When you put a period at the end of your relationship, then it's time to move to the next chapter, regardless of how convenient communication may be. Sure, I could send a quick email to Jason right now and let him know how amazing my life is, but is he even worth a phone call or a Hallmark card letting him know that I'm thinking of him?? Absolutely not! So, why communicate with him at all if it's only a convenience?? Not worth my time....

Interestingly enough, this is the gist of what my current drama is. As a result of Enon's attempt to honor the commitment that he's made to me as my boyfriend, I've been called a sad addition to Enon's life as a lowly, pre-pubescent girl (ha) who doesn't love Enon for who he is or accept the people that shaped the path that his life has taken. Does anyone really have to accept ex's when they enter a relationship?? Sure, I acknowledge their past, but she most certainly doesn't have to be a part of my present. I don't think I have to wonder why she sends him emails (impersonal or not) recounting all the details of her life (i.e. pictures from her NYE celebrations, sonograms of her illegitimate child, etc.) It's disrespectful to me and completely hypocritical, especially since she didn't enjoy hearing about how Enon has found me and that he's incredibly happy. I've rid my heart of my past so that I can give Enon my heart in the purest form possible, and I'm not going to let her keep the stain on his, regardless of how convenient it may be for her. I deserve better than that as does anyone else. Even her.

My old roomie at UGA once told me that any relationship can be perfect - it's a matter of external factors that screw things up, and the most common external factor comes in the form of drama created by another person. I'm not going to let the convenience of communication mess with the relationship that I waited so long to find and am working so hard to build strong. It's simply not fair, and I refuse to let it happen. Period.

That's all kids. Love y'all, and thanks for listening. :)

“The advantage of modern means of communication is they enable you to worry about things in all of the world” ~Dr. Laurence J. Peter