Battle of the Exes

I was once talking with a former co-worker about relationships, and I inquired as to why he never had a girlfriend before. I mean, this guy was one of the sweetest most genuine guys I've ever known. He's very attractive, and I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't interested in him at the time. It seemed like he could've hand-picked any girl out of a crowd and been with her for the rest of his life. Why stay single? His answer was profound and simple: he said that he wanted to stay pure and wait on the girl God was getting ready for him so that he would be able to say that she was the only girl in the world for him. It's been a couple years since we've had this conversation, but I can now see that this young man was wise beyond his years. I just wish I had listened to him and learned from his insight....

The only problem with waiting all your life for the one person you're supposed to be with is that when you find them, chances are pretty slim that they've also chosen to give up the experiences of dating just to stay pure for you too. But to have this would be ideal. The "Battle of the Exes" as I'm choosing to call it is simply a battle that cannot be won. No matter what, the past of your significant other will continue to haunt you and the securities within yourself that you try so hard to retain will be lost with a simple memory of their past. All you can do is build yourself back up so that it can be lost again when a new relic of their past is brought to the forefront. It's a vicious cycle, and I've recently discovered that arguing about this sort of thing is becoming pointless.

So, how can you truly wipe your slate clean in order to prepare yourself solely for that one person? We've all got pictures tucked away, saved emails and Hallmark cards, and there are even some of us that have naughty pictures and paraphernalia that can make your jaw hit the ground upon their discovery. But, chances are, you forgot they were there and never in a million years thought that your new girlfriend/boyfriend would be the one to find them for you. When a scavenger hunt for old pictures places a picture of you kissing an old girlfriend in your new girlfriend's hands, or when you're on your significant other's computer doing homework and are trying to locate a lost file but run across one that was definitely not meant for your eyes, it's hard not to get bothered by these things. You want to pretend that you never saw it or never read it, but it's hard to let that kind of stuff go because it makes you wonder if they've even let it go. Why would they have it? If that old relationship was as insignificant as they made it seem, then why are they still holding on to the memorabilia? What gives?

Chances are, if you read my blog, then you know me well enough to know that most of these generic questions are somewhat autobiographical. Through the course of my relationship with Enon, I've poked and prodded through his past trying to get him to tell me every anecdote that contributed to who he has become today because I truly understand how influential past experiences have on the mold of a person. This includes stories about his exes and details about past relationships. He never volunteered this information and has even shown great concern as to how him revealing this information effects me. I want him to be honest, and I want to know the truth. What good is a relationship if I know nothing about his past? He on the other hand, doesn't want to know anything about my past dating experiences. He likes who I am today and accepts and loves me for who I've become, but he knows that my past has been painful, and he doesn't want to bring up anything that's going to upset me OR him. His approach is very opposite from mine, but both ends of the battlefield are still agitated. He doesn't understand which people have played integral roles in my past and why they have become so special to me, and I see remnants of his past all over the place and understand why certain memories will always resonate in his heart. He gets jealous because he doesn't understand, and I get jealous because I do understand. And every time we patch things up, it seems like something else comes up and I find myself mobilizing my troops once again. Lately, I've found myself surrendering, but it's hard to keep surrendering without my heart taking a beating. So how can I just not let this get to me?

We went to the Georgia game yesterday, and what I thought was going to be one of the best days we'd had together turned into a cry fest and was by far the worst game I've ever gone to. I sat through the better part of the first half trying to fight back tears over the harsh words and misunderstanding that came between me and E. What made it worse was that I was sitting with Enon's parents who were trying to figure out why I was so upset and not having a good time. His Dad finally asked me about it during one of the timeouts. I told him that Enon was having a jealousy issue, and he told me, "Stacy, I know that Enon can be difficult to put up with at times, but you should know that with every girl that he's ever brought home to us, he never cared about them as much as he cares about you. He'd let all his other girlfriends wander around this stadium without even questioning where they were going and when they were coming back. He cares more about you, so just remember that next time he pitches a fit."

I have to say, hearing this from Enon's Dad really provided me with another perspective of the situation that was much easier to appreciate. I still hate that the past continues to haunt us, but knowing that him caring so much is producing the jealousy is going to become my new mantra so that I can fight off the negative feelings that seem to continue to beat me down. I can't let the past continue to hinder the present, and I refuse to sit at another Georgia game in tears because of a boy who doesn't understand me, so I will do what I can to fight it. But still, I wish that this wasn't an issue I had to deal with at all, and I sometimes wonder how much easier it would be if I had just waited.....

That's all kids. Love y'all and Go Dawgs! :)